Property of Albus Dumbledore
by BuzzCat
Summary: The one and only Xiomara Hooch decides to go insane and prank Minerva. Enlisting Albus's help. Clearly, there is quite a bit of Death-Wish-JuJu going around. Mara is insane and bothers Minerva. And that is why we love her.


Minerva knocked on the door to Albus's office. Even though he knew quite well that was her, it was still customary between them Minerva would knock. She waited a moment, and then went in. Albus was seated behind his desk. When he saw her, he smiled, and Minerva grinned back. She sidled up to him and said,

"And how was your day?" He kissed her hand and said,

"Mhm… much better." She smiled and sat down on his desk. Albus started snickering. Minerva frowned,

"What?" Albus grinned and said over steepled fingers,

"Look where you're sitting." Minerva leapt up and looked down. It just looked like a jumble of letters at first, but Minerva quickly realized that it was mirror-writing. She read backwards:

*~PROPERTY OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE~*

Minerva gasped and ran over to a mirror. Sure enough, written straight across the seat of her pants in fluorescent pink was *~PROPERTY OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE~*. Minerva flushed and said,

"That isn't funny." Albus promptly proceeded to burst out in raucous laughter. Minerva slapped his arm hardly and turned into her feline form. With a glare that Albus snickered at _(A/N: Have you ever imagined a tabby glaring? Hehe… like a cat smiling. Rather amusing.), _she ran out presumably to change and wash her clothes. Albus asked one of the quills on his desk,

"How long do you think I have until she realizes the robes can't be wiped clean?" He placed the quill on the ground, where it lay oddly quivering. He waved his wand, and it returned to its natural form of Xiomara Hooch. She doubled over laughing, and barely managed to gasp out,

"Assuming she ran all the way there, you're dead right about—"

"ALBUS!"

"…now." Mara fell to the ground laughing. Albus started chuckling nervously, paling rapidly as the last time he had gone along on one of Mara's pranks slowly cam back to him. He ran to Mara and shouted,

"Hide me!" The door banged open,

"Too late." Said Minerva in a steady, menacing voice. She fixed a now silent Mara with the best-ever glare of all time. Minerva raised her wand to Albus, who audibly gulped and raised his hands in surrender. Then, 2 things happened in quick succession:

Minerva winked at Albus

Mara found herself on the floor as a mouse

Minerva shrunk to a tabby and chased the mouse around the office, all the while sending 'I-am-playing-with-you-before-I-kill-you-and-there-is-nothing-you-can-do-about-it' vibes at poor Mara.

10 MINUTES LATER…

Minerva trapped the mouse under her paw with an almost lazy amount of ease. She hissed at the mouse, and it squirmed and squeaked in fear. Minerva gave a hiss that a roaring Albus easily interpreted into a laugh. Minerva went back to a human, and picked up the poor mouse by its tail. She looked it strait in its panicked eyes and said clearly,

"You know that what you did was wrong. And you will not do it again. On the off chance you dare disobey an ex-Auror, I will inform the entire school of the ongoing affair between Severus and yourself. And the 15 children you have hidden in Bulgaria, one of whom is Viktor Krum." The mouse stared at Minerva, fear shining out through its wide and disbelieving eyes. Minerva dropped the mouse and transformed it back to Mara in midair. Mara landed with a _splat! _on the office floor. Mara straightened up and said,

"But you and I both know I don't have kids. Why on Earth would they be in Bulgaria?" Minerva rolled her eyes and said,

"I know that and you know that. And Albus knows that now. And Severus even might know that, depending on how much you shag each other. But the entire student body doesn't know that. And don't pretend you wouldn't deny being related to Krum. You and I both know you'd die to be related to him." Mara flushed and said,

"For your information, I am indeed pregnant, so perhaps we will have 15 children in Bulgaria." Mara glowed with pride as she said it, and swung on her heel out of the Headmaster's office. Minerva smiled over at Albus, who said a little warily,

"Do I get off scot-free?" Minerva sighed and said,

"No, I suppose I have to punish you somehow." Albus frowned and said,

"But what if I promise to be good?" Minerva sat down on Albus's clean desk and kissed him lingeringly. She said quietly,

"Hm… I suppose I could let you off then." Albus grinned and started advancing toward her, Minerva slowly leaning back until she was lying on the desk. He said,

"How's this?" Minerva smiled lightly and said,

"I suppose this will work."


End file.
